Shame & Guilt

Shame- the swampland of the soul

The Addiction Cycle

Preoccupation - Ritual - Acting Out - Guilt & Shame - Repeat

How would you define "Guilt" and "Shame"? Are they different ideas? How do each of these emotions affect us?

Definition of Shame: "The intense painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love and belonging."

Shame affects us by making us feel unworthy and blocks us from feeling connected to others.

Shame tells us Two things:
*You are never good enough!
*Who do you think you are??

Shame highly, highly correlates with:
*addiction
*depression
*violence
*oppression
*bullying
*suicide
*eating disorders

How is guilt different? Guilt is correlated with people who do not do the things on this list!
*motivates positive change
*makes us aware of wrong behaviors
*does not attack me as a person

Shame:                                                                   Guilt:
*I'm sorry, I'm a mistake                                         *I'm sorry, I made a mistake
*Deceives us into believing it is helpful and               *Is helpful b/c it gives us the option to
   motivates better behavior                                         choose better behavior
-causes us to act as if we're hopeless, helpless,        -enables us by making us aware of our
   and worthless                                                          poor choices
-causes us to continue to be stuck in our sin             -gives us more choices of how to respond
                                                                                  to our sins
*Is a lie, designed to destroy                                    *Is truth, designed to free us
*Is demonic wisdom                                                *Consistent with Godly wisdom


Are these messages that ever come from God?
"We are God's chosen ones, holy and beloved." Col. 3:12

Shame is not from God, but guilt, on the other hand, is a Godly response. It seems impossible for me to change who I am(shame response), but much easier to change my behavior(guilt response).

Everyone experiences Shame. If you don't, then you are officially what could be best described as a Sociopath. We shouldn't shame ourselves about Shame, but rather, be aware of it. The awareness is what gives us the option to change.

Three things that make Shame thrive:
1. Secrecy
2. Silence
3. Judgement

Empathy, on the other hand, is the antidote to Shame. When we can come alongside of another person and empathize, rather than allowing them to keep beating themselves up, we can help them begin to break free from the lies that bind them and find their worth in the One who created them.

Are we worthy?
-of friendships?
-of relational love?
-of God's love?

...God's chosen ones, holy and beloved. Col. 3:12
...Dear friends, now we are children of God. 1 Jn. 3:2
...I have called you friends. Jn. 15:15
...I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are the works of Your hands. Ps. 139:14
...Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you. Rom. 15:7
...For we are God's masterpiece. Eph. 2:10

And that leads us to the next important thing that is so necessary in the life of a Christian. Up next: Vulnerability.