Boundaries, the conclusion

Well, I never got around to breaking this into three sections like I said I would, but I've decided that's perfectly fine. This book went with me on my travels through AL, GA, and FL, and bit by bit, state by state, beach by beach, I worked my way through the rest of it. It has some water marks, sun screen stains, and bits of sand still stuck in  and on it from being toted around, but I was really into this book, so it went most places that I did. I read it on coffee breaks, at dinner, at the beach, and before going to bed. So far, out of the list of books I've been working through, this one is by far my favorite. *(warning: for those who cherish the sanctity of an unmarked book, skip the next sentence). I underlined and circled and folded pages and made notes in the margin. It's well worth the $15 price tag and as I read, I kept thinking of people I'd like to give it to. Who should read this book, you ask? Well, in my thinking, the following people should pick up a copy of this book, Boundaries, and dive right into it:

*Christians
*Non-Christians
(well, that was easy and simplified things). =-D

All kidding aside, if you're: a parent, spouse, child, sibling, co-worker, missionary, pastor, team leader, part of a team, friend,  engaged person, boss, employee, pushover, rule breaker, follower, leader, dominant, submissive... well, you're getting the picture, right?

Outtakes:
*Guilt is your problem. No one has the power to make you feel guilty
*The person upset with you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem
*Wrong can never be undone, but it can be forgiven and rendered powerless
*Boundaries separate you from what you have known and what you do not want
*God does not want people to control you. He is on your side
*Forgiveness takes one; reconciliation takes two
*Learn what your limits are, and then give as much as you can up to those limits
*If others have the power to get you to react, they are inside your walls. Stop reacting & be proactive
*Boundaries are God given and for our good!

Conclusion: Boundaries, by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend is an extremely well written and insightful look into why we do what we do. In reading it, we can better learn to take care of ourselves, resulting in better marriages, better ministry, and better relationships with everyone we know.

Down, Around, & Back Up Again

Friday of the AL/FL trip had me leaving St. Marys, GA, and heading to Jacksonville to spend the evening with longtime GBC friends, Cecil and Teddy Hampton. Since they were working, I stopped in Amelia Island for the afternoon for some time at the beach. After a great BBQ lunch(true BBQ, for all you Texans and Northerners), I headed to the beach. After a little over an hour of bright, hot sun, a big storm blew in and the lifeguard shooed everyone off the beach. I drove back in to the adorable little town of Fernandina Beach, where I had spotted a coffee shop earlier(gotta watch out for important things like that!). I made it into the coffee shop with my computer right before the deluge began, and quickly wrote a status update on facebook about being at a coffee shop on Amelia Island. Within just a few minutes there was a note from one of my favorite former viola students, "No way! My family is here on vacation." A little while later, she, her mom, and her twin showed up to spend my last hour with me before I had to head down to Jacksonville-what a fun surprise!

With Gabriella at the Amelia Island Coffee Shop

I had a really great visit with Cecil and Teddy in Jacksonville, getting some good time of fellowship with them that evening and the next morning. They have faithfully encouraged me along the way, and it was a blessing to have the opportunity to spend some time with them.

Sunday morning I spoke at Fellsmere Historical Church in Fellsmere, FL. This church was a Methodist church that got "too small" and was shut down. The congregation called my great uncle Bill to restructure them as an independent church, and he remained there as the pastor for seven years. It was really interesting speaking in two churches that are primarily made up of "Snowbirds" that leave in the summer. They were so friendly and welcoming, though, and I enjoyed my time there. That evening I spoke at Chapel By The Sea on Hutchinson Island(near Ft. Pierce), which was the church that Uncle Bill started. Again, it's a church made up of snowbirds, but I so appreciated getting to share about missionary care with all of these brothers and sisters.

With Aunt Frances(my dad's aunt) and her son, David. 

Monday I made the long drive home. This trip was such a blessing to me. Almost everyone I met with was super encouraging. So many people blessed me with their hospitality, monetary gifts, hugs, notes, thoughtfulness, etc. My rest time in St. Marys and the two other times that I made it to the beach were so nice and relaxing. I wasn't a bit stressed out on this trip, other than when I drove through one terrible storm for several hours. Regardless of the outcome support wise, this trip was such a gift and I'm so thankful for it!

To see all of the pictures from my trip(some are so beautiful!), click on the following link:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151179406657152.506881.692137151&type=1&l=dc57488a79

Fur Dogs?

 

Grooming- Fur Dogs Only

As I sat at the stop light in Ft. Pierce, FL, I looked over and saw this sign to my right. Grooming-Fur Dogs Only. What in the world? Why would non-furry dogs need grooming in the first place?? And why would they put up a sign telling the owners of hairless dogs not to bother bringing their dogs in for grooming? I don't get it.........

And then it hit my half blond head. HAHAHAHAH, that's pretty punny! And I grabbed my camera so that I could share this clever pun with the rest of you non-blondes out there.

St. Marys. GA

The little town where I stayed for my two day vacation is St. Mary's, GA, pretty much the last stop before you get to FL. I found it on a B&B website when I was researching places to stay in northern FL. Because the main season has just ended, there are some really good deals on B&Bs out there right now. The town is really old(for the US), and I really enjoyed checking out the old museums and wandering around the old part of town where I was staying. The B&B where I was staying was built in 1872 as a small hotel and was just beautiful. The owners were amazing, wanting to know every detail of what I could eat- and then going out of their way to only feed me those things for breakfast. They even left out gluten free/flourless dark chocolate cookies for me. =-)There are tons of lovely old houses in St. Marys, but I won't bore you with all the pictures I took. Here are just a few:

The Spencer House Inn, where I stayed, built 1872

St. Marys Catholic, built in 1842

Orange Hall, built in 1829, occupied by the Confederate Army during the Civil War

First Presbyterian, built in1809, the oldest remaining and functioning church in GA

Enjoying the rocking chairs on the upper porch of the B&B

Cumberland Island, GA

Wednesday I took the ferry over to Cumberland Island, the southernmost barrier island in GA. It's an island filled with history going back several centuries. The original people here were the Timucua indians, followed by Spaniards, British, and then Americans. In the early 1800's Nathaniel Greene bought a large portion of the island and built the Dungeness castle for his wife. After his death, she remarried, and with the large amount of money that he left her, she built large homes for her children. The island also included a large slave settlement and plantation, and many of the slaves were hired to serve in the different family homes on the island. Until the 1960's the entirety of the large island remained in the Carnagie family, and then was sold or given in portion by the grandchildren to the government to become a State Park. There's still one section of the island that remains private, because that descendant has chosen to keep the property, rather than giving it to be a part of the State Park. Below are some pictures from my day trip. It's really quite lovely. The only way to get there is by ferry and no vehicles are allowed on the island. Its over 17 miles long, so there's no way to see it all by foot in one day, but I enjoyed the Dungeness ruins and spending time on the beach side of the island. The only downside was the swarms of mosquitos present everywhere on the island except for the beach, but the 100+ mosquito bites I received were worth the beautiful pictures I was able to take. If you ever make a visit to the island, though, I would highly recommend that you not go during mosquito season!

 

Fried Shrimp, Boiled Shrimp, Blackened Shrimp...

"Shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, bake it, sautee it. There's, um, shrimp kebabs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan-fried, deep fried, stir fried, pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That's, that's about it." Forest Gump

I've been thinking that quote in my head over the last few days, as I drove down from NC, through SC and GA, stopping overnight in AL, before moving on to FL, and back to GA. Tomorrow I'll re-cross the line into FL and head further South. I had blackened shrimp on Sunday, grilled Shrimp on Monday and Wednesday, and blackened shrimp in a salad for Thursday lunch. I'm wondering- How many more delectable shrimps can I consume before leaving this lovely gulf coast area next Monday? p.s.this is not a complaint, by the way. I love me some shrimp.

Sunday morning I spoke in the Sunday School at Grace Bible in Mobile, AL. GBC Charlotte folks, look on the third row back for some familiar faces.

Monday morning I spoke to the lovely and enthusiastic ladies of 1st Baptist WMU(Women's Missionary Union) in Navarre, FL. There's another familiar face in there, for you GBC'ers.

Both of these groups were such an encouragement and blessing to me. I had about 45 minutes with each group and was able to really share a lot with both groups about the importance of Missionary Care. Their appreciation for what I was sharing about caring for missionaries really touched me, and I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to spend time with these lovely brothers and sisters!

I'm currently in St. Mary's, GA, taking a couple of days of down time for myself. I'll probably post some pictures later today(b/c I won't have time for several days to do so again). The schedule for the next few days is as follows:

-Fri., leave St. Marys, spend the afternoon on Amelia Island, drive to Jacksonville, FL to spend the evening with the Hamptons

-Sat., leave Jacksonville, take the six hour drive down to my great aunt and her son in Ft. Pierce

-Sun., speak at Fellsmere Historical Church in Fellsmere, FL

-Mon., hit the road super early for the long drive back to Charlotte(about 10 hours w/out stops)

Boundaries, pt. 1

 "Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership."

"Many people have been taught by their church or family that boundaries are unbiblical, mean, or selfish."

The issue of Boundaries is much bigger and deeper than I'd have ever guessed. There are four main personality types when it comes to Boundaries:
-Compliants:Saying "Yes" to the bad. Feels guilty and/or controlled by others; can't set boundaries.
-Avoidants:Saying "No" to the good. Sets boundaries against receiving care of others
-Controllers:Not respecting others' boundaries. Aggressively or manipulatively violates boundaries of others
-Nonresponsives:Not hearing the needs of others. Sets boundaries against responsibility to love.

2 Types of Boundaries
a.Functional: refers to a person's ability to complete a task, project, or job. It has to do with performance, discipline, initiative, and planning
b.Relative: refers to the ability to speak truth to others with whom we are in relationship


The fourth chapter on how boundaries are developed is a fascinating look at how parents basically determine the ways that their children will function later on in life with decision making. When parents hover, control, are angry, make all decisions for their child, set no limits, set too many limits- all of these things effect the choices that their child will make later on in life. A child whose parent hovered over him or made all decisions for him will struggle to make decisions on his own as an adult. A child who had no limits will struggle as an adult to set limits for himself. A sensitive child who had an angry parent will grow up making decisions so as not to make anyone angry. Sadly, most children will either repeat the same mistakes that their parents made with them, or go to the opposite extreme, which often isn't much better.

I really enjoyed the fifth and sixth chapters on the ten laws of boundaries and the common boundary myths. Since there are ten laws and eight myths, I'm not going to write them out, but will just highlight a few that I appreciated.

Law #5- The Law of Motivation. What motivates your decision making? The Law of Motivation says this: Freedom First, Service Second. "We are called into freedom, and this freedom results in gratitude, an overflowing heart, and love for others." I love this law!

Law #10- The Law of Exposure. This law says that your boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship. "We have many boundary problems because of relational fears. Because of these fears, we try to have secret boundaries. We withdraw passively and quietly, instead of communicating an honest no. We secretly resent instead of telling someone that we are angry about how they have hurt us. Often, we will privately endure the pain of someone's behavior instead of telling them how it effects us and others, information that would be helpful to their soul."

Myth #1- If I Set Boundaries, I'm Being Selfish. "Our needs are our responsibility. Even with God's help, it is crucial to understand that  meeting our own needs is basically our job. We can't wait passively for others to take care of us.


Myth #3- If I Set Boundaries, I Will Be Hurt By Others. "Is it possible that others will become angry at our boundaries and attack or withdraw from us? Absolutely. We can't manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a litmus test for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us that they don't love our no, but only our compliance."

Boundaries, the intro.(book review)

The book: Boundaries
The authors: Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

If I was needing to write a brief and concise review of this book, I think that I would fail. I have so many thoughts about it already, and I'm only 1/3rd of the way through.

Big thought: Every Christian, and most definitely every person in ministry, should have a copy of this book and read it

Brief synopsis: This book is a fascinating look into why people have problems making boundaries for themselves and respecting the boundaries of others; why it's biblical to do so; and how we can go about putting them into place in our lives.

It's written in three parts:
1)What are Boundaries?
2)Boundary Conflicts
3)Developing Healthy Boundaries

I just finished the first part, and, along with some of the things from the ending of the "Caring for the Emotionally Damaged Heart" book, am so amazed by some of the patterns that I see in my own life and how I see them connecting to other things. The point is not to look back in your childhood and point the finger at your parents/others for "ruining" you, but to understand how things that happened in your early developmental years set the stage for how you respond to people in adulthood, and how you can break those harmful patterns.

I'm really enjoying this book and what I'm learning from it. I've reached a really good place in my studies, where I'm just really soaking stuff in. I kind of feel like a little kid in the first week of kindergarten: eyes wide with enthusiasm, and taking in everything there is to learn. Good stuff.

Paleorific

One of the goals that I set for myself for this year was to work on some things health wise. I wanted to set better patterns, get back into biking and various other things, cut out processed foods, and get a handle on the allergies that I've lived with since I was a teenager. In looking at those things, I began to hear about a way of eating called Paleo or Primal. Now, ignoring the evolutionary idea of "eating like our ancestors did 5 million years ago," I like the actual manner of eating that is encouraged in this lifestyle. It sounds a little crazy at first, but there is no eating of the following: grains, dairy, legumes, sugars/processed foods. Instead you eat meats, vegetables, fruits, and good fats(avocado, nuts, coconut oil, etc.). The non-hardcore Paleo people encourage a 90/10% lifestyle ratio, meaning 90% of the time you eat pure Paleo and 10%(which equals about 2 meals a wk.), you can cheat. Even on your cheat meals, though, you're encouraged to figure out what is the hardest on your system and avoid those things. I've discovered that the majority of my allergies have disappeared since beginning this three months ago, and are triggered primarily through gluten consumption, and secondarily through eating dairy. Therefore, I rarely, rarely eat anything containing gluten for my cheat meals, because it brings more annoyance than pleasure. I know that it can kind of sound crazy, but I'm so, so pleased that I've made this change. I thoroughly enjoy all of my meals, rarely feel the need for snacks anymore b/c the protein holds me longer, enjoy my cheat meals without any guilt at all, hardly deal with allergies anymore, enjoy my body feeling better, and have lost twenty pounds eating fantastic, full meals. For any of you out there ready for a life change, I highly recommend it!

  I loved salads before, but now I like them even more! This is a BLT salad: Bacon, dark greens, tomato, avocado, and sliced almonds, with lemon juice and balsamic vinegar. So good!

Paleo Pops. Dark, dark chocolate is actually encouraged as the sweet of choice. These are little popsicles made from coconut milk(which is what I use in place of milk now), pecan butter(I'm making my own nut butters), a pint of cherries, dark cocoa powder, and a bit of maple syrup. They encourage the use of natural, non-processed sugars when making treats- ie, honey and maple, so it's not like you're completely cutting out all things sweet. =-)