Debriefing And Renewal (DAR)

I've spent this week in Colorado Springs being debriefed along with twenty seven other missionaries. We all returned from the field in the last 2-3 months and are all going through the re-entry and transition process. I really had no idea what it was going to entail and only came because my mentor suggested it. I can(with no exaggeration) say that in spite of the cost, it is the best thing that I have done for my soul since leaving for Ukraine three years ago. It has been a healing, affirming, loving, caring environment in which to share deep hurts, deep joys and the deep grieving that comes from leaving the country you were in- with people who understand and have gone through similar situations. At the beginning of the week I found myself extremely tight, anxious and with daily headaches while talking with my counselor each afternoon. I now find myself breathing deeper and easier and really hate that tomorrow is the final day. So as to help your understanding of the process, I want to share bits and pieces of what we've been going through every day. My hope is that it will help you love, encourage, serve and pray with deeper understanding for all of those serving overseas.

DAY 1:-The Freedom To Talk In Paradox

- It was dirty, smelly, stinky, unfriendly......it was wonderful, colorful, exciting, people are friendly!
- I hated it there....I loved it there!
-I couldn't stand the crowded buses and the long train rides.....the buses and trains are wonderful there!
-People are so closed.....people are so open!
-Life is so simplistic and old fashioned. I wish things were more modern....I love the more simplistic lifestyle!
-It was so noisy and crowded. It made me claustrophobic.........I really miss the noise and crowds!

The thing is, all of these statements are true....and it's ok. I'm learning that to live and speak in paradox is ok. We talked through the things that were the hardest for us to adjust to in our adopted world and the things that we miss the most from it. For me, those things are: how dirty everything was, the remainders of communistic mindset, and the lack of public friendliness. When your neighbors rarely greet you or look at you suspiciously or say, "She's a foreigner!", day after day after day, your spirit is weighed down. On the other side, though, I loved: the markets with all of the fresh produce, the Sea, the trains(haha), friends, the few neighbors that I did get to know, the language(though I also hated it), a pedestrian society, flowers being sold cheap everywhere,and people-watching out the window. And you know what, it's wonderful to know that it's perfectly normal for me to speak in paradox and say highly confusing things like, "I'm so glad that I'm not there.....I'm so sad that I'm not there."

"Where are you right now?" One of our tasks the first day was to draw a picture of how we're feeling emotionally right now about what's going on in our lives. I bet you didn't know I was such a talented artist, huh? =-D If you're looking at this on my blog, you can click on the picture to enlarge it so that you can read the signs.