On Day 3 we discussed transition from one country to another, and as I noted in one of yesterday's lists, the fact that transition is in the Traumatic Category for almost all missionaries.
Stage 1- Settled(in your adopted country):you have guests over; you know how to get around; you know where to shop and how to cook with what is available; you're set up; you have a rhythm of daily life; you know the local greetings; know how to get stuff; know how to pay bills; have plants; have decorations; have a work station; have pets; clothes are in drawers, not suitcases; you've learned foods and customs; you can communicate
Stage 2- Unsettling(beginning the moving process again): pulling up roots; saying many goodbyes; explaining over and over; packing, choosing, shipping, giving away, throwing away; closing everything down; nice things are said about you; joy and sorrow in the decision; sensing deadlines; quite drained; lots of decisions; having a foot in two boats; can't share your joy and sorrow with many people; split personality; pushing through
Stage 3- CHAOS! (re-entering your passport country): cloudy; in a fog; clinging to order; emotional roller coaster; I don't know how I'm doing!; emotionally detached; mind blank/dull/numb; profoundly disoriented; don't know cultural norms./vocab/standards/how to do things; others assume they know what you need or feel; great misunderstanding and expectations of you; overwhelmed
**This is the stage where all of us are right now- somewhere between Chaos and the beginnings of Re-Settling
Stage 4- Re-settling: confusion; purchasing clothing; buying stuff you got rid of; figuring out cell phone contracts; sorting of values; trying to get resettled; reorientation; where to get things/who to ask; going to church; feeling stupid when you can't come up with an English word; not having enough answers for people; trying to make plans while still struggling
Stage 5- Settled:(the stage we want to get to): integrated; accept that I don't totally "fit"; feel at home, but in a new way
In a study done with missionaries, the average said that it took them between 2-4 years to get from Stage 3(chaos) to Stage 5(re-settled). Two to four years!!
I have two tasks right now:
1. Give myself time to find the new norm
2. Learn to be ok with the fact that I'm different and how I can function well out of that difference
Remember this?
No, it's not the world. It's me! The different me- with lots of American bits and some Ukrainian bits and they're no longer seperable. They're just me.
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing this. "2-4 years" yes, yes, yes!
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