Dominance Clarified

Ok, my thoughts on Dominance yesterday didn't come out as clearly as I would have wished. I cut it short, because the post was already getting long, and that led to a lack of clarity, followed by confusion by a a couple of readers(which leads me to think that perhaps there are other confused people out there).

Let me start by saying this: I do NOT think that Dominance/Control is a good or God honoring thing, nor do I believe that the author of the counseling material believes that.


Ok, now that I've stated that, let's go from there. The main problem that led to the confusion in what I wrote yesterday is that I didn't invite you into all of my thoughts and the connections therein.

In my head, it looked like this:

"The only dominant/controlling people that I can think of are strong, super organized, leader, A type personalities. And since I have some of those characteristics, but don't ever want to be dominant/controlling, perhaps I should back away from leadership."

And because I've seen how dominant/controlling people can deeply hurt others without even being aware of what they're doing, I kind of connected Dominance & Control with Leadership, even though I know that's a false equation. I've seen so many great leaders who live a life of mercy and grace, and are true servant leaders.

But let's return to my equating Dominance and Control with Leadership. Because I don't want to exhibit those patterns in my relationship with others, I began to pull back a bit in my thoughts about being a leader. I began to see it as a negative thing. Particularly as someone in the area of Staff Care, I want to exhibit grace, mercy, compassion, encouragement, and God's truth to others. And though I don't think I'm known for being controlling or dominant, I am known for having a strong personality. I have strong beliefs and am not easily swayed. I used to enjoy debating my position on issues and was often in a leadership position, even from a young age. And because I've seen the negative side of leadership, both in myself at a younger age and in others, I am now much more careful about the leadership positions in which I place myself. I no longer desire to be up front, making decisions. I'd prefer to be in more of a background leadership role, serving and encouraging others to be wise, godly, servant leaders.

Sooo, all of that to explain the part of the chart that I found interesting; essentially, that one can recover from being a domineering, controlling person. That with God's enabling and by making choices that honor Him, a strong personality type can be a good leader who exhibits: acceptance, appreciation, kindness, encouragement, humility, openness, sympathy, love, respect, and support. Those are the true qualities of a servant leader: one who deeply cares for all those who surround him, and desires to build them up, rather than tear them down.

Dominance/Controlling= BAD
Servant Leadership= GOOD