At Long Last

My visa arrived today! After all of the waiting, I'll be leaving this Friday afternoon. I was going to feel really silly if I didn't get to leave, after so many friends and family came to the going away party last night. =-) Yesterday was a really special day, from start to finish. My pastor did a commissioning service during church, which was a real blessing to me. I was really emotional, which I knew was going to happen. It's a little difficult to explain the emotions, since people read a lot into them. I've had quite a few people(at least a dozen) ask if I've had second thoughts about leaving. And I'm sure that upon seeing my tears yesterday, there were probably a few more people thinking along the same lines.

Let me start by saying that not once over the last year have I had second thoughts about what I'm getting ready to do. The time of thinking and praying about all of this has been such a long process for me, that once everything came together, I knew without any doubt that this is what I was to do. And once I knew what I was to do, the only thing I could do was obey. At this point, I'm stepping forth both in trust and in obedience.

I have always been a fairly sentimental person and therefore, this past year has been a year of many emotions for me. I have thought about things in terms of "Lasts"(at least for a while anyway): my last Fall, last Christmas at home, last day with my car =-), last time I see friends and family, last Mexican meal(a truly difficult last), and my last Sunday at church. Again, it doesn't mean I'm having second thoughts, it just means I'm thinking. My brother teases me about this sentimentality, but it's just part of what makes me ME. And though I've thought a lot about my "Lasts", I'm also very much looking forward to my "Firsts" : getting to meet the Sharers(teammates I haven't met before), joining in the ministry of the team, moving into my apartment, having the girls over for the first time, developing new relationships and discipleship opportunities and many, many other things. There are a lot of great things waiting over there for me. I just want to be sure that I say my goodbyes here first. Call me......sentimental...................

Ode to Charlotte

Well, I had a wordy little entry speaking of my love of Charlotte, but I deleted it by accident. When I went to recover it, I hit the wrong button again and it is now lost for all eternity(or until someone who knows more about computers comes across it hiding somewhere). That occurred several days ago and I still haven't been able to reach deep enough inside of me to recreate those words, so I'll just leave you with this:

Charlotte, home of my birth,
You have changed(some for the better, some for the worse).
Your historic buildings have been torn down to make way for steel reaching to the sky,
With photographs giving us our only memories of days gone by.

Affluency runs this city and we only want the best,
With Light Rail and Halls of Fame and "synergy" put to test.
And yet with all of this, I love you still the same,
For though the new South comes, the old shall still remain.

As oak trees line the streets and sweet fragrances waft through the air,
I breathe in the sights, sounds, and colors everywhere.
Charlotte, you dear city of my birth,
I will love you yet the same(for whatever that is worth).

My sister, Abby, and I, July 4th

View from the Central Ave. bridge- night of July 4th

View from the Hawthorne St. bridge- taken on my morning walk

A special friendship

Last week my best friend, Tapley, came to Charlotte to spend a few days before I "left for Odessa". Of course, that departure date has come and gone and I am still here, but it was great to see her one more time before I leave. We have been friends since the age of eleven, but haven't lived in the same city for the last twelve years. We went to college in different states; me to a very liberal Arts school in North Carolina and her to a Christian university in Mississippi. Through college and her move to Texas, we maintained our friendship and grew closer to each other through many hours spent on the phone and letters and e-mails sent back and forth. As we've grown older, we've supported each other in the daily ups and downs of life and know that no matter where in the world either of us is, we can always count on each other for support and encouragement. Deep and abiding friendships are few and far between, because they require a deep and abiding trust between two people. I am so very grateful for this special friendship that God has given to me.

Taps and I like to take day trips when we're together. This time, we went to Seagrove, NC, to explore the many pottery shops and styles of pottery found there.

Starbucks is an old tradition for us. I didn't drink coffee until the age of 18, when Tapley introduced me to the frappuccino. When she moved to TX, we would "meet" once a week at a Starbucks to talk to each other(via cellphone).

Another tradition is taking lots of pictures of ourselves. Prior to the days of digital cameras (when you could instantly see the picture), we would dress up in different hats, costumes, etc. and take entire rolls of film of ourselves. The digital camera was a great invention for us. =-)

The wait

My sister-in-law said I needed to write about this, so here goes:

I've never been great at waiting, but have learned to do so. In restaurants, I've always been mortified at my mother calling across the room at the waiter or my father holding his cup up to show everyone the emptiness. In lines, I will stand there and have a million complaints running through my head, but never give voice to them. In most situations I would rather wait than draw attention to myself or someone else. In other situations(this has only happened a couple of times, thankfully), I have little to no patience. I think back on the marvelous swiveling tree stand that I bought a couple of years ago. I don't really remember what the whole point of it was, but when you "easily" assemble it, it makes Christmas life wonderful for you. In my case, the "easy" assembling didn't go so well. It turns out that its prior assembly wasn't quite right, but I didn't know that at the time. After a while of messing around with it, I lost my patience and tried to beat it into submission. That did very little to solve the situation and my younger sister looked a little frightened and decided it was time to go home.

And now I am waiting for something to happen which I have absolutely zero control over. I was supposed to leave the states for Odessa in little over a week. But due to a change of law, I need to do all of my visa work prior to entering the country. This delays my departure and leaves me not knowing exactly when I will leave. And the fun part of that is that I have to exchange my plane ticket without knowing if I will have all of my paperwork in time. In a situation like this, I tend to pull inside of myself, because it's easier than having to answer a lot of questions for which I have no answers. Honestly, that's probably why I haven't written about it yet. Even though I know the delay is probably not more than a couple of weeks, I don't know it for sure. And after months of working through my thoughts and emotions of this decision, I felt completely ready to move. After all, everything was planned out: finish training, go home for six weeks, move to Odessa.

But God had different plans than mine, as He often does. He has changed the timing of my departure and is allowing me to learn other things while I'm home. My sister-in-law challenged me recently to stay in the present and not move on in my mind. I know that I've already moved on and am having to do some back-tracking now to be here mentally and emotionally. I'm trying to stay engaged and focus on the people around me. That is my challenge for the moment and I know that I've failed in it over and over in the last month that I've been home. But I am growing and learning through all of this, as He reveals more and more of Himself to me. I am so thankful for His patience, which is never exhausted and His love that is poured out on me more abundantly day by day.

"Make me hear joy and gladness, That the bones You have broken may rejoice." Ps. 51:6

It's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day

As I was walking home from the coffee shop a few minutes ago, I saw an older man sitting in the doorway of a barber shop watching the traffic go by. I smiled and said good morning and he grinned back and said, "You gonna make a lot a people happy today!" I replied, "Oh, I hope so!", and kept walking. As I walked I thought about his enthusiastic comment and smiled. What a wonderful thing it would be if each of us could make it our goal each day to make a lot of people happy. In my words and deeds today, I hope that the joy of my Lord shines forth and I am able to bring glory to my Creator by making a lot of people happy.

Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
Morning by morning Thy mercies I see,
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided,
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

I am currently thinking about God's faithfulness, as shown to me from the wisdom of the Proverbs. He has given everything that I need and reminds me of that on a daily basis. Perhaps I'm different from most people, but I've found that I have to spend ample time with God on a daily basis to even attempt to maintain what He's teaching me to be. If I don't do this, I immediately revert to an overwhelmingly selfish state of existence. I kind of think of this as my lifeline. It's a lifeline to becoming more like Him and less like myself. Myself is not something I enjoy reflecting on, though He is calling me to do so more and more as He reveals more of my sin nature to me. It's disturbing to understand even just a wee little bit of what a sinful creature I am. I am coming to have a great appreciation for men like George Mueller who rose before dawn to spend hours with God before facing the world. What I am beginning to grasp about these "heroes of the faith" is that they didn't do this to be holy, they did it because they understood their own unholiness. They understood that they were nothing apart from God and that they couldn't begin to face their very own sin nature and the world with all its difficulties without spending ample time with their holy and perfect God. I don't know what "ample" time is and am guessing there is no such thing. But for me at this moment, ample time is the time required for me to commune with my God in such a way that I come out feeling totally refreshed and ready to take on the day through the enabling of His Spirit. So, from the Proverb of the day:

Proverb 16

vs. 1- The preparations of the heart belong to man,
But the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
vs. 3- Commit your works to the Lord,
And your thoughts will be established.
vs. 9- A man's heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.
vs. 20-He who heeds the word wisely will find good,
And whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he.
vs. 23-The heart of the wise teaches his mouth,
And adds learning to his lips.
vs. 32-He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

The propensity of addiction

I think we need to lobby for a new law, one that enforces the throwing of cigarette butts into an appropriate container. With one caveat, however: it must be squirrel proof. Squirrel proof, you ask? Yes, my friend, squirrel proof. You see, if all God's creatures can't take care of themselves and aren't able to read the sides of the packages warning them of throat cancer and other terrible conditions, who is to be responsible for their poor choices?

Fresh upon the heels of hearing on the news about a poor black lab, who had found and ingested a large amount of marijuana while on his daily walk(leaving him stoned out of his mind), I left the house to walk down to Nova's Bakery for an iced chai. Imagine my surprise, when walking down Thomas Avenue, I spotted a squirrel picking up a cigarette butt. At first, I assumed he was taking it to be part of his nest lining. But stopping to watch, I discovered how very wrong I was. He scampered about 15 feet up a tree, turned to look at me and then proceeded to very enthusiastically begin ingesting his treasured find. That's right, he ate the cigarette butt.

So, I ask you, friend. If this adolescent squirrel doesn't know any better than to eat a cigarette butt, than who will save him from his ignorance?? Will you? Or will you allow him to continue in his errant ways, ingesting second hand tobacco into his tiny little lungs? Can you continue on today, knowing that all over this world, poor hormonal squirrels are sitting at the tops of their trees trying to look cool and killing themselves in the process?

Free the squirrels from substance addiction! Protect your fellow creature!! All of God's creatures deserve clean lungs!! (please feel free to add your slogan)